Many people welcome the feeling of falling in love, but they don’t always know how to fall out of love. Unable to let go the person you love is difficult because it stops you to find a better option. What if you fall in love with an abusive person, or someone who doesn’t appreciate you?
Falling out of love can be hurtful, and you may face psychological difficulties in letting go. However, taking slow but sure steps will help you release the burdening emotion. Once you let go, you are free to explore other options, or simply heal and relax.
Here are five steps to take if you want to fall out of love.
1. Find social supports
Taking the first step to “let go” can make you feel vulnerable. Finding reliable support is necessary at this point. The support can be your family members or friends you can trust. Be honest with them and say that you need support, encouragement, and strength to go through this.
Some people may be afraid to go through mental hurdles when they need to deliver bad news. However, once you pass this step, your loved ones will be willing to help. They may also know the best way to help since they have fresh “outsider perspectives”.
2. Remove all the reminders
Physically removing all reminders of your relationship or love toward the person can help you heal faster. They can be his or her belongings, love letters, photographs, or social media connections. If you still need their contacts for formal purposes (such as work), keep work email address and the main phone number.
If the process is too hard, ask your friends or family members to help. Ask them to send or deliver your ex’s belongings. Have them with you when you are erasing photographs and removing social media connections. These acts create physical symbols of “falling out of love”.
3. Ask for professional help
If you try to fall out of love after an abusive relationship, consider visiting a professional. There are several cases why cutting off personal feeling requires professional help. They are:
- Abusive relationship
An abusive relationship is harmful, but some people with the twisted idea of love find it hard to leave their abusers. You need to break the state of mind that keeps you from leaving the abusive person. Professionals such as psychiatrist or psychologist will help you look at the reality better.
- Separation by death
Death is inevitable, but it can happen when you are not ready. Bereavement can cause psychological problems if you cannot handle it well, especially if the deceased person is someone you love. Professionals will help you going through the tough times, which is important if you plan to have a new relationship in the future.
- Existing psychological problems
If you have an existing psychological problem, such as depression or bipolar disorder, being dumped/left/abused by a loved one can make it worse. Professionals know the best strategy to prevent you from falling deeper into your symptoms.
Professionals keep your information private and offer a nonjudgmental view, so don’t feel self-conscious about asking for their help.
4. Focus on “the present”
It is easy to drown in nostalgia or daydream about far-fetched possibilities. However, they will prevent you from falling out of love. Keeping your perspective in the “present” is important to erase the love burden completely. There are several ways to do it, for example:
- Take guided meditation or yoga class
Yoga and guided meditation teach you to center your mind and release pressure. Connecting your breath and muscles with your mind can also help to remind you to be “present”.
- Take scheduled walk
The rhythmic pace of walking can help “connecting” your mind with body movement, creating a sense of real presence. Walking in a scenic route or casual spots (such as in the park or neighborhood street) can also bring your mind to the real world.
- Write a goodbye letter to your ex/unrequited love
Create a symbolic goodbye by writing a letter to your ex or unrequited love. Explain things that made you love him/her, along with all the hurts you experience. Be honest about what you really feel before ending the letter with goodbye words. Rip the letter apart or burn it as a physical symbol of goodbye.
By focusing on the “now”, you can feel confident enough to leave your old “love”. You are free to continue your life, find a new person, or just heal.
5. Take care of yourself
Finally, after all the ordeals, you have the right to relax and treat yourself. Start doing things you love, such as reading favorite novels, cooking, gardening, or making crafts. Take time for leisure, such as going to the spa or shopping. Try something you always want to do, such as traveling, having a pet, or something as simple as trying a new restaurant.
Falling in love may be beautiful, but there are times when leaving it is the best option, especially if it damages you. Knowing how to fall out of love is important to help you heal and facing the future.