Unrequited love hurts, and it’s more than just about a romantic fling.
If you don’t know how to stop loving someone, you will get trapped in a psychological prison, unable to move on. It has negative effects on your mental health.
Luckily, “stop loving someone” is something you can learn to do. Find out how to release that pining burden and start welcoming new possibilities in life.
When Must You Stop Loving Someone?
It is fine to pine for someone or keep the lovely memories of a person from the past. It becomes dangerous if you lose control of your own life. Here are several red alerts that should make you stop loving someone:
- When you start blaming or belittling yourself
Are you blaming yourself for not being pretty, handsome, smart, or rich enough for a person? Are you starting to compare yourself to others, without any considerations about your real conditions? Self-evaluation may be good, but if it continues, it will ruin your self-esteem.
- When you discard everything important
Are you abandoning your work, social life, and family just for a person you pine for? Be careful, because it might not be as romantic as it sounds. A healthy relationship based on balance and mutual understanding. If one must sacrifice everything important in his or her personal life, it may not worth it.
- When you let the past affecting your future
Are you hesitating to start a new relationship based on unrequited love? Do you let someone from the past determining your view toward a new person? If yes, you have let something in the past to influence your potential relationship. It will cast a shadow on any decisions you will take.
- When your view turns cynical and bitter
Being cynical or pessimistic is human nature. However, if the bitterness, cynicism, and other negative traits start to become your “default” mode, you must start reflecting. Negative traits that root from unrequited love should not cloud your view toward the world.
- When the person is toxic
Love and adoration can easily cloud your judgment. However, you should start having a double take if the person is toxic. Does he/she hurt others intentionally? Keep breaking promises? Saying things that damage other people’s dignity and reputation? These red lights should be signs that your love for the person is not worth it.
Confronting your positive sentiments toward a person is difficult because you must reexamine your thoughts and views. However, learning to stop loving someone is important to feel like a whole person again.
Steps to Fall Out of Love
There are many reasons why we pine for someone impossible, from unrequited love to losing a beloved somebody. The most difficult thing to do is letting go or “fall out of love.”
Luckily, this is something you can do in several steps. Here is what you can do:
- Accepting and acknowledging your sadness
Accepting your grief, loss, and sadness is the first step of letting go. Many people refuse to acknowledge that they have “lost” someone, denying the grief in the hope of fixing everything. Accept all the sadness and allow yourself to grieve for the lost love.
- Reduce any connection with that person
Pining for someone you cannot love? Grieving over old memories of a deceased person? Reduce connections with everything that reminds you of him/her. Unfollow social media account. Delete photos or move them to a private cloud folder. Change your routine to reduce encounter frequency with that person.
If you have mementos of that person, donate, throw out, or give away the things. You may keep one or two most precious objects, but keeping too many will just trigger painful memories.
- Express feeling (but not negatively)
Expressing what you feel is therapeutic. However, don’t fall to negative reactions such as hurting self or others, abusing drugs and alcohol, and damaging things. They only bring short-term relief. Express your sadness and grief by crying, talking to someone, writing in journal, painting, playing music, or doing your hobby.
- Confide to a reliable person
A reliable person not only listens and supports you but also gives a fresh perspective. That person can be a family member, friend, or anyone you trust. You can vent and ask for support during tough times.
- Reframe your experiences
In cognitive therapy, therapists teach clients to reframe the way they think as a part of healing. You can do the same by reframing your bad experiences. Instead of crying about unrequited love or loss, consider it as an opportunity to become a stronger, wiser, more resilient person.
Finally, remember that you can be a better person without having an unrequited feeling. You can have extra energy to focus on other important things.
Moving on is hard, but you can do it! Losing someone you love or having unrequited feeling causes negative feelings, but they can pass with time. Learning how to stop loving someone will not deprive you of love. It will make you a stronger person with a better future and even love life!